Tag Archives: unresolved abandonment issues

Hello World!

Welcome to my improved blog on “Understanding Abandonment Issues and The Psychology of Human Behaviors.” I became professional aware of  unresolved abandonment issues at the age of 18, directly out of high school. I was chosen to be part of a team of 13 Americans who joined 13 Columbians to set-up and run the first YMCA Camp in of Bogota, Columbia in 1967. In our last camp session, that summer, all of the youths were from an orphanage. I exchanged one of the mine youth with another one from another American Counselor because he was so needing. The youth, who looked like he was 11 was actually 15 years old. He looked at me and said, “you are going to hurt me!” I ensured him that I wasn’t going to hurt him. For the next week I gave him all of my love and attention. It wasn’t until the last day of the camp session that I heard what he had told me.

He was getting ready to get on his bus back to the orphanage. I was getting ready to board my bus to the airport to visit two more countries in South America  before flying back to American to start college that fall.  It was not until the youth walked up to me with tears in his eyes and said to me again, “I told you that you were going to hurt me,” that I heard him. All I could do was to hug him and tell him that I was sorry and cry!

I didn’t know the impact of my actions, as good as they were! I didn’t understand how to show him the good that had come out of this experience. I didn’t know how to terminate a relationship so the person didn’t feel worse off for meeting me. For all of these reasons I changed my major at George Williams College (Founder of the YMCA) from becoming a YMCA Administrator to studying Group Work and become a Clinical Social Worker and College Instructor.

I began writing on the subject in graduate school and in 1977published my first book on the subject, Thank You for Loving Me! The Psychology of Loving and Healing  in 1984.  In 2008 the Revised publication of Thank You for Loving Me! The Psychology of Loving and Healing was released, alone with a Personal Growth Journal titled, What I Must Give Myself…First! Someone Else Cannot Give Me What I Am Not Able or Willing to Give Myself.

These two books are Self-Help books that can enhance one’s treatment in therapy. They don’t read like a normal book, but assist in facilitating a “corrective learning experience!”  I spent 20 years writing and rewriting Thank You for Loving Me! It started out as my diary doing my years in therapy and then I developed it for the use in the treatment of adolescents and adults in individual and group therapy.

I am proud that 2014 marks the seventh year that my blog has been up and running! I have had readers from at least 189 different countries and I thank each of you. I thank you for reading  my articles and adding your comments to my posts. If you have not already voted in all of the surveys, please click on “Surveys” on the sidebar, and participate in each of them. Your participation and feedback is appreciated!

Also, please continue to purchase and read my two books on Amazons and don’t forget to submit your reviews.

As an Author, Speaker, and Consultant, I am available to lecture at your school or college; or keynote a speaking event; or facilitate  workshops for your institution, organization, or business. Speaking/Training fees will be reduced if an order of books are included in the event.

Please email me at jrayrice@itsallaboutabandonment.com

My Passport is current and my bags can be packed for international or national engagements!

 

Don’t Abandon President Obama & Your Quest for What is Right!

When you support The President you are supporting yourself, your family, your friends, and your nation. Please listen to his video and contribute to his Re-Election so we can continue task of the building of a Better America…a Caring America…and a Caring World.

Watch and remember what Barack Obama has done for this nation.

Take action and support his Re-Election!

“Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right.
Forget about those who don’t. Believe everything happens for a reason.
If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it.
Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would most likely be worth it.”
Harvey MacKay

Re-Elect President Obama!

 

Abandon the Practice of Sexual Abuse and Rape

Wednesday, May 20, 2009A national committee in Ireland released a report revealing six-decades of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse on children in the care of the church and state.

I have being writing about how all communications, actions, and reactions can cause people or societies to experience feelings and acts of abandonment. This story is about how the laws, policies, institutions, behaviors, and the actions of the very people entrusted with the care of innocent children have caused a nation to be abandoned.

Sad, I must point-out how the people of Ireland are left with unresolved abandonment issues because of the rules the Catholic Church had the state agree too in order to ensure their cooperation in the investigation. This nation is left with unresolved abandonment issues because the people responsible for these crimes cannot be charged!

Please view this report from CNN and give your comments after viewing the videos and reading about this story. The report can be read or download from The Commission to Inquire into Child Abuse.

I will write next about how the practice of sexual abuse and rape in America is causing its victims to experience abandonment from one generation to the next. I do not know of any nation that is without this shame!

 

The Common Denominators of Unresolved Abandonment Issues and Guns in Mass Murders

I have been writing and giving examples of how communications and interactions between individuals, groups, and societies can cause abandonment issues. Left unresolved these issues can damage our self-esteem, impart our problem-solving abilities, and contribute to some too act violent toward others and themselves. Sometimes, these events affect us so severely and often that they can be the driving force behind some of the most serve acts of violence and taking of innocent lives.

The following are some of the high profile murders that have been in the news from April 5, 2007 and dating back to Christmas of 2008. I believe that all of these individuals has unresolved abandonment issues that are at the root of their actions, along with the asset to guns!

I would like for you to read and listen to the information provided in the following links that reveal their unresolved abandonment issues. Afterward please give your comments and understanding about these issues and actions.

April 5, 2009
“Police: Dad Killed Kids Because Wife Was Leaving” (Phuonge Le, AP, ABCNews)

James Harrison’s unresolved abandonment issues were: a) his wife betrayed him in an affair, and b) she was going to leave him for another man.

April 4, 2009
“Gunman ‘Lying in Wait’ Kills 3 Pittsburgh Officers” (Plushnick-Masti and Dan Nephin, AP, ABCNews)

Richard Poplawski’s possible unresolved abandonment issues were: a) loss of job, b) fear of loss of his right to bear-arms, and c) possible eviction by his mother for his dog urinating in her home.

April 3, 2009
“As NY Gunman’s Life Unraveled, He Took Others’ (Rubinkam, AP, ABCNews)

Jiverly Wong’s possible unresolved abandonment issues were: a) loss of job, b) his failure to speak English well, c) his lack of acceptance, and d) in his eyes the Center’s failure to teach him English and provide the America Dream.

March 13, 2009
“Doubts Arise Over Threat by German Teenage Gunman” (Leske, ABCNews)

Tim Kretschmer’s possible unresolved abandonment issues were: a) feelings of abandonment/rejection by classmates and school, and b) feelings of depression due to him lacking to successfully bond with family and friends.

March 16, 2009
“Slain Ala. Mother Mourned as Unique, Independent” (Hunter, AP, ABCNews)

Michael McLendon’s possible unresolved abandonment issues were: a) his failure to become a law-enforcement officer, and b) his family failure to contribute to his success in his eyes.

March 22, 2009
“Oakland Seeking Answers in Police Killings” (Jesse McKinley, NYTimes)

Lovelle Mixon’s possible unresolved abandonment issues were: a) his fear of returning to prison on a warrant, and b) despondent over not being able to find employment.


February 24, 2009
“Boy Shoots Father’s Pregnant Girlfriend” (ABCNews)

Jordan Brown’s possible unresolved abandonment issues were: a) his fear of the loss of love from his father, b) failure to be prepared for a blended-family, c) failure to bond with father’s girlfriend, two daughter, and new baby, and d) giving him a gun when he does not have the maturity to resolve conflicts or talk about his feelings.

December 25, 2008
“Police: Burns from fire altered ‘killer Santa’ plan” (CNN)

Bruce Jeffrey Pardo’s possible unresolved abandonment issues were: a) his divorced from his wife, b) his feelings of abandonment from his family and his wife’s family, and c) his mother siding with his wife during the divorce.

It’s All About Abandonment! Do not forgive to vote on the issue of guns!

What My Abandonment Surveys Reveal

By: J. Ray Rice, A.C.S.W.

First, I want thank each of you that have answered my surveys and I encourage you to do the same. For me, abandonment is a normal consequence of all interactions and communications between people and by people.

Naturally, some abandonment experiences leave us with more traumatic issues than others and their impact should not to be minimized by anyone.

In my opinion, it is to very one’s best interest for them to
go into therapy at some point and time in their life. It is difficult sometimes to go through life’s experiences and not have them affect you someway. It takes strength to look at ourselves and discuss how life events and experiences may be affecting our interpersonal interactions or self-esteem. It is not a shameful act to seek the advice or counseling of a trained mental health
professional.

The following individual polls result can be viewed by
clicking on view result under the vote button at the end of each survey. Here are the results from the five current surveys on this site. Please keep in mind that the results today may be different that those given at the time of the posting.

I welcome your comments and observations. So, please give them! 

On the question of: Who Should Abandon Israel or Hamas! (As of 03/14/09) 33% said Israel

On
the question of: Should We Be Talking
with Our Enemies?

(As of 03/14/09) 81% said Yes!

On the question of: When You Hear or See
the Name…Dr. King does it
Remind You that He was a Reverend?
(As of 03/14/09) 60% said No!

On the question of: My Most Recent
Abandonment Experience Is?                                 
(As of 03/14/09) 22% said, “I experienced rejection!”

On the question of: What is your “Core
Abandonment Issue?”                                             
(As of 03/14/08) 17% I experienced emotion, physical, or sexual abuse!”

Please cast your vote on these questions and give your comments to these results.  

 

       

Abandonment Issues…The Answers To Human Behaviors


   Pdphoto.org

As I prepared to presenter my seminar…It’s All About Abandonment, June 7th at the 2008 Conference of the National Association of Social Worker – Florida Chapter, I decided to share it with the world. It is that important to me! You will need Adobe to view this file. If you do not have Adobe Reader you can download it free by clicking on this link!

I ask that you respect my copyright to this presentation, as well as all of the articles I have posted. Please give me credit for the material and provide a link-back to this site so others can join our learning community.

My short and long-rang goals are to provide:

  • Train-the-Trainer programs for all occupations that work, service, and care for people;
  • Seminars for individuals and professionals that want to increase their interpersonal communication skills and attributes;
  • Develop an International Think-Tank to exchange ideas on possible solutions that may assist in the treatment and healing of abandonment issues, experiences, and events;
  • Continue to write reading and training materials on the many different subjects of abandonment.  

Please feel free to email me your interest in any of these goals to: jrayrice@itsallaboutabandonment.com


Click here to read…The Answers to Human Behaviors! Please add your comments to the discussion.

 

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