Tag Archives: sex

What Is America’s Most Pressing Abandonment Issue as a Nation?

What is abandonment? Abandonment (Rice, 2008) is emotions, feelings, and acts that leave us with feelings or experience of: a) alienation, b) abuse, c) loss, d) betrayal, e) desertion, f) separation, g) segregation, h) incarceration, i) rejection, or j) the fear of our security. This author views abandonment and the issues, feeling, and the experiences they invoke, voluntarily or involuntarily, to be natural and unnatural events within the human experience. All forms of social policies, laws, communication and interactions, verbal or non-verbal, written or oral, and emotional or physical can cause people to feel or experience abandonment.

Events like wars, conflicts, murder-suicides, murder, suicide, death, rape, sexual or physical abuse, cheating, withdrawn of sex or emotions, change in power, loss of power, and social or economic policies produce abandonment feeling within people, groups, and nations. These experiences or issues left unresolved affect our ability to reason, bond, trust, love, communicate, problem-solve, rear our children, respect the rights of all and live with our neighbors in peace.

Now, I would like you to read the abandonment events in this survey and chose the one that you feel is most pressing for America. I also welcome learning what the abandonment issues are in other nations. Each nation and cultural has it own. All comments are welcome!

Rice, J. (2008). Thank you for loving me! The psychology of abandonment, healing, and loving. CA: CreateSpace

 

What Is Your “Core Abandonment Issue?”

A “core abandonment issue” is the earliest abandonment event that you can remember as a young child. This event caused you to have feelings of abandonment that have affected your self-esteem, ability to bond, trust, and love yourself and/or others. This event can be resolved presently or it can still be unresolved. Please read this short article first and then vote!

 

Resolving The Abandonment Issues In Sexual Orienatation, Marriage, and Family

“Like an unchecked cancer, hate corrodes the personality and eats away its vital unity. Hate destroys a man’s sense of values and his objectivity. It causes him to describe the beautiful as ugly and the ugly as beautiful, and to confuse the true with the false and the false with the true.”

Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Dr. King’s quote speaks to the politics of humankind. You only have to look at the behaviors and actions of how we can tell a lie long enough, and offer enough, to be preceded as the truth. Our politicians do this to us to influence public opinion so they can lie to us. We quote our bibles and our belief systems to justify our prejudices, hateful acts, and discrimination against people or groups we do not like. To read the whole article click here and please comment.

President Obama on Marriage

My Most Recent Abandonment Experience Is?

What is your most recent abandonment issue or experience? As stated in other articles on this blog abandonment experiences are normal outcomes of our day-to-day interactions, communications, behaviors, and reactions. This survey is seeking to identify your most recently abandonment experience.

Please read the choices and select the best answer for yourself. No information is saved about your IP address, nor are any cookies added to your computer. Only your answer and the time is reported for any of our surveys.

Thank you for your participation and vote often! Please return to review the results and read the upcoming articles!

If you haven’t taken the survey…What Is Your Core Abandonment Issues, please do so now!

 

Does Wording Cause Us to Abandon Ideas or Concepts?

Please answer yes or no to this question without thinking about it!

 

Please answer the other quick polls on this blog! Thank you!

Analysis the Abandonment Issues in George Sodini’s Blog

I credit ABCNews for all of the quoted text I am using from George Sodini’s blog. I have yet to hear or read an analysis of George Sodini’s behaviors and blog in terms of abandonment issues. I believe it is important to understanding that these events and actions are all about abandonment. Everybody seems to be missing this in their understanding of the events that cause human behaviors. I hope with this analysis it provides a deeper understanding of how abandonment affects us. Then, maybe we can began treating and teaching what is important! George Sodini in his pathology provides this opportunity. My heart goes out to the people that have to heal from the pain and suffering he caused.

Acts of abandonment occurs normally in all forms of human interactions and communications…verbal or nonverbal, spoken or written, passive or aggressive. Each of the following statements are out of George Sodini’s blog. I have chosen the items that would explain best my theory base. I feel we must understand what you are looking at, because we cannot treat what we do not understand! As I wrote in my book, Thank You for Loving Me…history is repeating itself because we fail to learn it lessons.

12/31/08 – “My dad never asked (not once) talked to me or asked about my life’s detail and tell me what he knew.” [We are abandoned even when people we love are alive, simply by them not giving us the attention, directions, and love we want and need.]

12/31/08 – “He was just a useless sperm donor.” [I believe it is safe to assume that in George’s eyes bonding didn’t take place between his dad and himself. He also saw his dad and himself as being emasculated by women. His father didn’t know how to deal with his wife, nor protect George and he felt his father abandoned him.]

12/31/08 – “Brother was actually counter-productive and would try to embarrass me or my efforts when pursuing things, esp. girls early on (teen years).” [Older brothers are most valuable when they protect and encourage. George felt abandoned by his brother for the behavior shown toward him.]

12/31/09 – “Mum – The Central Boss…Don’t piss her off or she will be mad and vindictive for years. Her way and only her way with no flexibility toward everyone in the household.” [George may have seen himself powerless (emasculated) in relationships with his mother and other women. Unable to talk with or trust women George developed a fear that women would emasculated him by abandoning their nurturing role he saw other men experiencing. I am still waiting for his ‘core abandonment issue’ to surface in future materials or interviews.]

1/5/09 – “Michael Sodini – A Boss…Always the big bully…” [George saw him the same way ‘Mum’ acted, as a bully. One that imposes one’s authority over another and make someone else feel humiliated or worthless. Rage develops time and we have seem the results of this in the personalities of the Columbine Shooting, Virginia Tech, and others murders.]

1/5/09 – “Sherry – sister – More of a victim than anything. Copes by exercising much control over her adult children. We used to be close until her control of L (Lisa) and D (David) caused a conflict. Never the same after.” [He came to the defense of his niece and nephew whom he liked. He wanted to protect them from what he saw as bully behavior at the cost of his relationship with his sister.]

1/5/09 – “Life is just playing games. One or two dates with her, then the end. No matter how many changes I try to make, things stay the same…Every evening I am alone, and then go to bed alone.” [This was written the day before he was to carryout this planned shooting at the gym the first time. He viewed human interactions as a game that he couldn’t master no matter how hard he tried. He felt abandoned because women didn’t love him and he didn’t know how to get them to love him.]

1/5/09 – “I wish I had the answers. Bye.” [He wanted help, but he can’t ask, nor accept! His sense of self was too damaged and his skill set too low.]

 

Early last month, we had our second general layoff. I survived…I know this firm is using this downturn as an excuse to take advantage of a bad situation and kill jobs necessarily… I would never have a shoot’em up there. They paid me for 10 years, so far! I predict I won’t survive the next layoff. That is when there is no point to continue. (George Sodini, 4/24/09) [It is clear that George feared that his firm was going to abandon him. I believe his statement suggests that his firm may have been at-risk if they had fired him.]


5/4/09 – “The big problem on my mind is that my job will end soon. Life is over. Even though I look good, dress well, well groomed – nails, teeth, hair, etc. Who knows.”
[He wanted someone to discover his fears and pain. He wants someone to look beyond his surface appears and see the real him. He is also warning us of others who are wolves in sheep clothing. Remember we can’t treat what we lack the understanding of how it looks. Society has abandoned him in not seeing the causes (abandonment) and effects of his behaviors.]

5/5/09 – “I want to do this before I get laid off.” [He didn’t want to have to change his plans at the gym against shooting just women and change it to his place of employment.]

5/18/09 – “Looking at The List makes me realize how TOTALLY ALONE, a deeper word is ISOLATED, I am from all else. I no longer have any expectations of myself.” [Depressed and abandoned.]

 

I was invited to a picnic, and I went. An older women there, out of the blue, asked me if I liked high school. They quickly asked if I was picked on very much. Interesting why she would ask that. But thanks, I already know what the problem is, but a solution eludes me. (George Sodini, 5/25/09)
[Here George didn’t have the courage to ask someone who could read the effects of bullying how was he showing those effects.]


I guess some of us were simply meant to walk a lonely path. I have slept alone for over 20 years. Last time I slept all night with a girlfriend it was 1982. Proof I am total malfunction. Girls and women don’t even give me a second look ANYWHERE. There is something Blatantly wrong with me that NO goddam person will tell me what it is.
(George Sodini, 7/20/09) [There is another major unresolved abandonment issues here, but George avoid discussing this event that has affected his ability in trusting women.]


7/23/09 – “I had 20+ years of sobriety and achieved nothing about friendships, girlfriends, guys, etc. Zilch. What a waste.” [George’s didn’t resolve the issues that were underlining the behavior, nor develop the skills and attributes he needed to succeed.


The biggest problem of all is not having relationships or friends, but not being able to achieve and acquire what I desire in those or many others areas. Everything stays the same regardless of the effort I put in. If I had control over my life then I would be happier. But for over 30 years, I have not. (George Sodini, 8/2/09) [He felt that he has failed. He doesn’t know how to control his life without having control of others, which is model he developed in. This is relationship pattern he knows and he doesn’t have the skills and attributes to achieve different results.]

 

8/3/09 – “Christ paid for EVERY sin, so how can I or you be judged by GOD for a sin when the penalty was ALREADY paid.” [Here George explains why he believes God would not abandon him for his actions.]

 

Also, any of the “Practice Papers” left on my coffee table I used or the notes in my gym bag can be published freely. I will be dead. Some people like to study that stuff. Maybe all this will shed insight on why some people just cannot make things happen in their life, which can potentially benefit others. (George Sodini, 8/3/09) [The best way to analysis George and his actions are in terms of abandonment issues. Unresolved abandonment issues is what we need to be identifying and treating from birth. Resolving abandonment issues will also assist the family members and friends who have lost love ones or harm in George’s actions. Society would benefit greatly if we can learn the lessons here, because they will not stop until we get it right!]


Miscellaneous:

“Lee Ann Valdiserri had my baby in early 1991. Haven’t seen her since she was about four months into it.” [This unresolved abandonment issue contribute to George not having sex since 1990 when he was 29 years old. It also reinforce his mistrust of having relationships with women. The date of the last time sexual relationship doesn’t match his 7/20/09 post, but the unresolved abandonment is real if he has a child that he has never bonded with and protected.]

 

My prays go out to the families, friends, and loved one affected by George’s actions. Lets make this a teachable experience for all. It is truly all about abandonment!

Related Article:

The Effects of the Unresolved Abandonment Issues of George Sodini

Copyright 2009 by: J. Ray Rice, A.C.S.W.
Email: jrayrice@itsallaboutabandonment.com

 

 

 

 

The Effects of the Unresolved Abandonment Issues of George Sodini

I offer see searches to my blog on the subject of…the abandonment issues of men! The actions of George Sodini at a gym shooting provides a teachable moment on this subject. I will write more when information has been made public that will identify his core abandonment issues. If you click on his name you will read information from his blog on CNN and here is a second link to his full blog on ABCNews.

Like the other killers I have profiled on my blog I am not excusing their actions, but providing understanding into the dynamics that produced their behaviors. I want you to understand that…its all about abandonment! It is reported that George Sodini wrote that he has not had a girlfriend since 1984 and no sexual relationships since 1990 when he was 29. It is also reported that he hated his mother and women. These events are caused by issues of abandonment.

In my ongoing survey that you will find below… I ask readers to identify their most current abandonment experience…rejection is number one! Our failure to understand the impact that abandonment experiences have on us continues to be overlooked in our behaviors and reactions to life’s events. This is why I have spend my life’s work since high school in understanding the psychology and effects that unresolved abandonment experiences have on everyone, some more than others.

Thank You for Loving Me! The Psychology of Abandonment, Healing, and Loving has been written during a 30-year span of my professional and personal life assisting people resolving their abandonment issues. I hope that you will use it alone with What I Must Give Myself…First to identify and facilitate the healing process of your unresolved abandonment issues.

Related articles (they will open in a new window):

The Common Denominators of Unresolved Abandonment Issues and Guns in Mass Murders

What Is Your “Core Abandonment Issue?”

My Most Recent Abandonment Experience Is?

Abandonment Issues…The Answers To Human Behaviors

Adult Males Must Abandon Fathering Teenagers’ Babies

What Is America’s Most Pressing Abandonment Issue as a Nation?

Should Americans Abandon Their Rights to Bear Arms?

How Unresolved Abandonment Issues Affected Robert Hawkins

Why We Abandoned…’Do Not Tell’…in the Military!

We finally understand and accept that if your rights are denied…mine are not protected!

As a black man who grew-up during the civil rights movement in  America, I am keenly aware of the excuses given for not granting rights.

  • The bible says…
  • You are not white…
  • You are not equal..
  • You are 3/5 of a man….
  • You are not good enough…
  • It has always been that way…
  • You are not smart enough…
  • You are not responsible enough…
  • We do not want you marrying our daughters…
  • You came from an ape…
  • You are black…
  • You are needed to clean my house, raise my children, shine my shoes, and pick my crops…
  • You will drink or eat at the same sources…
  • You will want to vote and have blacks representing you in congress …
  • You are a boy…
  • I don’t want to have to respect you as another human being…
  • You have not earned it…
  • I don’t want you to have any rights, because it take away from mine…
  • Not now…wait!

Soldiers in any branch of service to their country have enough to worry about!

  • Being killed…
  • Being wounded…
  • Being capture…
  • Losing their ability to walk, speak, see, write, think, sleep, hold, eat, drink, hear, control their bodily functions, or have sex…
  • Providing for their family…
  • Loss of job and income…
  • Loss of their place in society…
  • Developing PTSD…
  • Experiencing the loss of fellow soldiers…
  • Being abandoned by their nation…
  • Becoming a prison of war…
  • Not receiving the care their need when they return…
  • Missing milestones in their children development…
  • Growing apart from their spouse, children, and friends…
  • Experiencing a change in their personality or outlook of life…

The last thing they need “is being discharged while being gay!

You are who you are!

Telling someone to not be themselves is stupid and it shows a lack of respect for our fellow human being! The following nations allow gays to serve openly in their army forces:

  • Australia
  • Austria
  • Belgium
  • Britain
  • Canada
  • Czech Republic
  • Denmark
  • Estonia
  • Finland
  • France
  • Germany
  • Ireland
  • Israel
  • Italy
  • Lithuania
  • Luxembourg
  • Netherlands
  • Norway
  • Slovenia
  • South Africa
  • Spain
  • Sweden
  • Switzerland
  • Uruguay
  • And now…The United State of America!

 

When you respect life… you respect all-life!

Not just the ones you prefer!

 


Related articles:


Please take a one-question survey on this issues!


 

Adult Males Must Abandon Fathering Teenagers’ Babies

    “The problem with teens sex is not simply that teens are having sex.”
(U.S. News & World Report, Sins of the Father, 8/6/95)

In the U.S., would you be surprised to learn that teenage boys are not the fathers of the majority of babies born to teenage girls? According to an article written by Steinhauer, (NY Times, 1995), “federal and state surveys suggest that adult males are the fathers of some two-thirds of the babies born to teenage girls!”

Wisconsin provides a clear example. An Executive Summary if truth be told… prepared for the United Way of Milwaukee states, “71% of babies born to teen girls are fathered by adult males over 20-years old.” In addition, if that is not disturbing enough, they found that “42% of the girls younger than 15 reported that their first intercourse was nonconsensual.” In nonprofessional term, adult men raped them! In the NY Times article (1995) “in Chicago 61% of young mothers had been raped.” “In Seattle, another study reported that 68% had been raped.”

The American Bar Association Center on Children and the Law in 1997 conducted an exploratory research into “the responses of the courts and social service agencies to adult males having relationships with teenage girls.” You can read their findings in, Sexual Relationships between Adult Males and Young Teen Girls: Exploring the Legal and Social Responses. They also found, that adult men, not teenage boys, are often responsible for impregnating most young girls.” They identified the problem, but also discussed how the courts, social service agencies, the media, and the communities need to address this epidemic.

 

In Sins of the Fathers (Shapiro & Wright, 1995), they wrote in U.S. News & World Report, “In 1920, for example, 93% of babies born to teenagers were fathered by adults.” Today we should be appalled at the fact that we as a society are looking the other way at an epidemic that is causing far more physically, emotional, psychological, and financial hardship to our children, than the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in TX. How are we as parents of children, brothers and sister of girls and as a society not demanding a stop to our girls being raped and abused?

This ‘statutory rape‘ of our children is causing them and their children to have unresolved abandoned issues. Just read the comments at the end of the ABA reports, here is one:

The reason my mother doesn’t like me to date older men is because my dad was 20 years older than her. And he already had three kids, my third older brothers. She says an older man wants you to cook for them, clean, do a lot of things, but they don’t treat you right sometimes. And she’s afraid that might happen to me. And it did happen…

                                                                         (Elstein & Noy, 1997, p. 30)  

‘Statutory rape’ is causing society unresolved abandonment issues by the adult males who are abandoning their children and the responsible of supporting them, rearing them, and loving them. They deserve the same love, caring, and support all of us do!

Milwaukee is following the recommendations in the ABA report. I ask that the U.S. Surgeon General declare as an epidemic ‘adult males who are committing “statutory rape” or fathering the babies born to teenage girls as a public health crisis. I ask that they work to implement all of the recommendations in the ABA’s report in all 50 states to stop the rape and abuse of our children and their children!

What do you think? Is this a worldwide epidemic? Would you like for the courts and social agencies to do if your child was a victim of ‘statutory rape?’

References

Elstein, Sharon G., & Davis, Noy. (1997). Sexual relationships between adult males and young teen girls: Exploring the legal and social responses. American Bar  Association Center on Children and the Law. Retrieved from www.abanet.org/child/statutory-rape.pdf

Shapiro, Joseph P., & Wright, Andrea R. (1995). Sins of the fathers. U.S. News & World  Report. Retrieved from www.usnews.com/usnews/culture/articles/950814    /archive_032639.htm

Steinhauer, Jennifer. (1995). Study cites adult males for most teen-age births. The New York Times. Retrieved from www.nytimes.com/1995/08/02/us/study-cites-adult-males-for-most-teen-age-births.html?pagewanted=print

United Way of Milwaukee. (2006). If truth be told. United Way of Milwaukee, WI. Retrieved from http://www.unitedwaymilwaukee.org/PDFs/uwgm_TPRexecsumm.pdf

 

 

What I Must Give Myself…First (Vol. 1) by: J. Ray Rice, A.C.S.W.


Note: Price is discounted 20%

The first of two volumes of the personal growth journals (workbooks) to be used with Thank You for Loving Me! is released by CreateSpace Publishing! What I Must Give Myself…First provides the questions you need to answer in order to resolve your abandonment issues. Doing this will enhance your self-esteem and increase your ability to have healthier relationships.

To order your copy of this groundbreaking book click…

 

  • What I Must Give Myself…First!
    It is perfect for anyone that wants to heal their hurt feelings.
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  • It is the perfect tool for parents to use to develop their youth’s abilities in choosing an appropriate boyfriend or girlfriend.
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