I credit ABCNews for all of the quoted text I am using from George Sodini’s blog. I have yet to hear or read an analysis of George Sodini’s behaviors and blog in terms of abandonment issues. I believe it is important to understanding that these events and actions are all about abandonment. Everybody seems to be missing this in their understanding of the events that cause human behaviors. I hope with this analysis it provides a deeper understanding of how abandonment affects us. Then, maybe we can began treating and teaching what is important! George Sodini in his pathology provides this opportunity. My heart goes out to the people that have to heal from the pain and suffering he caused.
Acts of abandonment occurs normally in all forms of human interactions and communications…verbal or nonverbal, spoken or written, passive or aggressive. Each of the following statements are out of George Sodini’s blog. I have chosen the items that would explain best my theory base. I feel we must understand what you are looking at, because we cannot treat what we do not understand! As I wrote in my book, Thank You for Loving Me…history is repeating itself because we fail to learn it lessons.
12/31/08 – “My dad never asked (not once) talked to me or asked about my life’s detail and tell me what he knew.” [We are abandoned even when people we love are alive, simply by them not giving us the attention, directions, and love we want and need.]
12/31/08 – “He was just a useless sperm donor.” [I believe it is safe to assume that in George’s eyes bonding didn’t take place between his dad and himself. He also saw his dad and himself as being emasculated by women. His father didn’t know how to deal with his wife, nor protect George and he felt his father abandoned him.]
12/31/08 – “Brother was actually counter-productive and would try to embarrass me or my efforts when pursuing things, esp. girls early on (teen years).” [Older brothers are most valuable when they protect and encourage. George felt abandoned by his brother for the behavior shown toward him.]
12/31/09 – “Mum – The Central Boss…Don’t piss her off or she will be mad and vindictive for years. Her way and only her way with no flexibility toward everyone in the household.” [George may have seen himself powerless (emasculated) in relationships with his mother and other women. Unable to talk with or trust women George developed a fear that women would emasculated him by abandoning their nurturing role he saw other men experiencing. I am still waiting for his ‘core abandonment issue’ to surface in future materials or interviews.]
1/5/09 – “Michael Sodini – A Boss…Always the big bully…” [George saw him the same way ‘Mum’ acted, as a bully. One that imposes one’s authority over another and make someone else feel humiliated or worthless. Rage develops time and we have seem the results of this in the personalities of the Columbine Shooting, Virginia Tech, and others murders.]
1/5/09 – “Sherry – sister – More of a victim than anything. Copes by exercising much control over her adult children. We used to be close until her control of L (Lisa) and D (David) caused a conflict. Never the same after.” [He came to the defense of his niece and nephew whom he liked. He wanted to protect them from what he saw as bully behavior at the cost of his relationship with his sister.]
1/5/09 – “Life is just playing games. One or two dates with her, then the end. No matter how many changes I try to make, things stay the same…Every evening I am alone, and then go to bed alone.” [This was written the day before he was to carryout this planned shooting at the gym the first time. He viewed human interactions as a game that he couldn’t master no matter how hard he tried. He felt abandoned because women didn’t love him and he didn’t know how to get them to love him.]
1/5/09 – “I wish I had the answers. Bye.” [He wanted help, but he can’t ask, nor accept! His sense of self was too damaged and his skill set too low.]
Early last month, we had our second general layoff. I survived…I know this firm is using this downturn as an excuse to take advantage of a bad situation and kill jobs necessarily… I would never have a shoot’em up there. They paid me for 10 years, so far! I predict I won’t survive the next layoff. That is when there is no point to continue. (George Sodini, 4/24/09) [It is clear that George feared that his firm was going to abandon him. I believe his statement suggests that his firm may have been at-risk if they had fired him.]
5/4/09 – “The big problem on my mind is that my job will end soon. Life is over. Even though I look good, dress well, well groomed – nails, teeth, hair, etc. Who knows.”
[He wanted someone to discover his fears and pain. He wants someone to look beyond his surface appears and see the real him. He is also warning us of others who are wolves in sheep clothing. Remember we can’t treat what we lack the understanding of how it looks. Society has abandoned him in not seeing the causes (abandonment) and effects of his behaviors.]
5/5/09 – “I want to do this before I get laid off.” [He didn’t want to have to change his plans at the gym against shooting just women and change it to his place of employment.]
5/18/09 – “Looking at The List makes me realize how TOTALLY ALONE, a deeper word is ISOLATED, I am from all else. I no longer have any expectations of myself.” [Depressed and abandoned.]
I was invited to a picnic, and I went. An older women there, out of the blue, asked me if I liked high school. They quickly asked if I was picked on very much. Interesting why she would ask that. But thanks, I already know what the problem is, but a solution eludes me. (George Sodini, 5/25/09)
[Here George didn’t have the courage to ask someone who could read the effects of bullying how was he showing those effects.]
I guess some of us were simply meant to walk a lonely path. I have slept alone for over 20 years. Last time I slept all night with a girlfriend it was 1982. Proof I am total malfunction. Girls and women don’t even give me a second look ANYWHERE. There is something Blatantly wrong with me that NO goddam person will tell me what it is. (George Sodini, 7/20/09) [There is another major unresolved abandonment issues here, but George avoid discussing this event that has affected his ability in trusting women.]
7/23/09 – “I had 20+ years of sobriety and achieved nothing about friendships, girlfriends, guys, etc. Zilch. What a waste.” [George’s didn’t resolve the issues that were underlining the behavior, nor develop the skills and attributes he needed to succeed.]
The biggest problem of all is not having relationships or friends, but not being able to achieve and acquire what I desire in those or many others areas. Everything stays the same regardless of the effort I put in. If I had control over my life then I would be happier. But for over 30 years, I have not. (George Sodini, 8/2/09) [He felt that he has failed. He doesn’t know how to control his life without having control of others, which is model he developed in. This is relationship pattern he knows and he doesn’t have the skills and attributes to achieve different results.]
8/3/09 – “Christ paid for EVERY sin, so how can I or you be judged by GOD for a sin when the penalty was ALREADY paid.” [Here George explains why he believes God would not abandon him for his actions.]
Also, any of the “Practice Papers” left on my coffee table I used or the notes in my gym bag can be published freely. I will be dead. Some people like to study that stuff. Maybe all this will shed insight on why some people just cannot make things happen in their life, which can potentially benefit others. (George Sodini, 8/3/09) [The best way to analysis George and his actions are in terms of abandonment issues. Unresolved abandonment issues is what we need to be identifying and treating from birth. Resolving abandonment issues will also assist the family members and friends who have lost love ones or harm in George’s actions. Society would benefit greatly if we can learn the lessons here, because they will not stop until we get it right!]
“Lee Ann Valdiserri had my baby in early 1991. Haven’t seen her since she was about four months into it.” [This unresolved abandonment issue contribute to George not having sex since 1990 when he was 29 years old. It also reinforce his mistrust of having relationships with women. The date of the last time sexual relationship doesn’t match his 7/20/09 post, but the unresolved abandonment is real if he has a child that he has never bonded with and protected.]
My prays go out to the families, friends, and loved one affected by George’s actions. Lets make this a teachable experience for all. It is truly all about abandonment!
Copyright 2009 by: J. Ray Rice, A.C.S.W.