Tag Archives: American

What Is America’s Most Pressing Abandonment Issue as a Nation?

What is abandonment? Abandonment (Rice, 2008) is emotions, feelings, and acts that leave us with feelings or experience of: a) alienation, b) abuse, c) loss, d) betrayal, e) desertion, f) separation, g) segregation, h) incarceration, i) rejection, or j) the fear of our security. This author views abandonment and the issues, feeling, and the experiences they invoke, voluntarily or involuntarily, to be natural and unnatural events within the human experience. All forms of social policies, laws, communication and interactions, verbal or non-verbal, written or oral, and emotional or physical can cause people to feel or experience abandonment.

Events like wars, conflicts, murder-suicides, murder, suicide, death, rape, sexual or physical abuse, cheating, withdrawn of sex or emotions, change in power, loss of power, and social or economic policies produce abandonment feeling within people, groups, and nations. These experiences or issues left unresolved affect our ability to reason, bond, trust, love, communicate, problem-solve, rear our children, respect the rights of all and live with our neighbors in peace.

Now, I would like you to read the abandonment events in this survey and chose the one that you feel is most pressing for America. I also welcome learning what the abandonment issues are in other nations. Each nation and cultural has it own. All comments are welcome!

Rice, J. (2008). Thank you for loving me! The psychology of abandonment, healing, and loving. CA: CreateSpace

 

Hello World!

Welcome to my improved blog on “Understanding Abandonment Issues and The Psychology of Human Behaviors.” I became professional aware of  unresolved abandonment issues at the age of 18, directly out of high school. I was chosen to be part of a team of 13 Americans who joined 13 Columbians to set-up and run the first YMCA Camp in of Bogota, Columbia in 1967. In our last camp session, that summer, all of the youths were from an orphanage. I exchanged one of the mine youth with another one from another American Counselor because he was so needing. The youth, who looked like he was 11 was actually 15 years old. He looked at me and said, “you are going to hurt me!” I ensured him that I wasn’t going to hurt him. For the next week I gave him all of my love and attention. It wasn’t until the last day of the camp session that I heard what he had told me.

He was getting ready to get on his bus back to the orphanage. I was getting ready to board my bus to the airport to visit two more countries in South America  before flying back to American to start college that fall.  It was not until the youth walked up to me with tears in his eyes and said to me again, “I told you that you were going to hurt me,” that I heard him. All I could do was to hug him and tell him that I was sorry and cry!

I didn’t know the impact of my actions, as good as they were! I didn’t understand how to show him the good that had come out of this experience. I didn’t know how to terminate a relationship so the person didn’t feel worse off for meeting me. For all of these reasons I changed my major at George Williams College (Founder of the YMCA) from becoming a YMCA Administrator to studying Group Work and become a Clinical Social Worker and College Instructor.

I began writing on the subject in graduate school and in 1977published my first book on the subject, Thank You for Loving Me! The Psychology of Loving and Healing  in 1984.  In 2008 the Revised publication of Thank You for Loving Me! The Psychology of Loving and Healing was released, alone with a Personal Growth Journal titled, What I Must Give Myself…First! Someone Else Cannot Give Me What I Am Not Able or Willing to Give Myself.

These two books are Self-Help books that can enhance one’s treatment in therapy. They don’t read like a normal book, but assist in facilitating a “corrective learning experience!”  I spent 20 years writing and rewriting Thank You for Loving Me! It started out as my diary doing my years in therapy and then I developed it for the use in the treatment of adolescents and adults in individual and group therapy.

I am proud that 2014 marks the seventh year that my blog has been up and running! I have had readers from at least 189 different countries and I thank each of you. I thank you for reading  my articles and adding your comments to my posts. If you have not already voted in all of the surveys, please click on “Surveys” on the sidebar, and participate in each of them. Your participation and feedback is appreciated!

Also, please continue to purchase and read my two books on Amazons and don’t forget to submit your reviews.

As an Author, Speaker, and Consultant, I am available to lecture at your school or college; or keynote a speaking event; or facilitate  workshops for your institution, organization, or business. Speaking/Training fees will be reduced if an order of books are included in the event.

Please email me at jrayrice@itsallaboutabandonment.com

My Passport is current and my bags can be packed for international or national engagements!

 

Abandon Your Prejudices and Support Human Rights!

Everyone needs to be concerned about the social well-being of all. Support Human Right Day 24/7/365!

Turn-up the volume and listen the first time. The second time close your eyes, open your heart, and visualize respect and freedom for all.

Now read these words aloud!

We must begin to look at everyday events, behaviors, issues, and reactions as expressions of how well we are caring for people. You must understand that our thoughts and actions are causing the destruction of people and societies.

Look at how physical and emotional abuse damage people and cause them to act-out at loved ones and society. We must continue to facilitate corrective learning experiences in individuals and in society. We must stop destroying people, because they will just destroy us in return!

We must accept the differences in each other and build upon our strengths and common needs! You have the same rights as everyone else! If your rights are denied, my rights are not secured!

This is why we must resolve abandonment issues by providing corrective learning experiences that teach people how to love and accept themselves and others.

People! Let the people live and let the conflicts die! (Rice, pp. 236-237, 2008)

 

Let’s have a discussion about this topic. What prejudice(s) are you willing to overcome to secure the rights of others? This is the question Lt. Daniel Choi a West Point Alumni is asking President Obama and all Americans!
Rice, J.R. (2008). Thank you for loving me! The psychology of abandonment, healing, and love. CA: CreateSpace

Adult Males Must Abandon Fathering Teenagers’ Babies

    “The problem with teens sex is not simply that teens are having sex.”
(U.S. News & World Report, Sins of the Father, 8/6/95)

In the U.S., would you be surprised to learn that teenage boys are not the fathers of the majority of babies born to teenage girls? According to an article written by Steinhauer, (NY Times, 1995), “federal and state surveys suggest that adult males are the fathers of some two-thirds of the babies born to teenage girls!”

Wisconsin provides a clear example. An Executive Summary if truth be told… prepared for the United Way of Milwaukee states, “71% of babies born to teen girls are fathered by adult males over 20-years old.” In addition, if that is not disturbing enough, they found that “42% of the girls younger than 15 reported that their first intercourse was nonconsensual.” In nonprofessional term, adult men raped them! In the NY Times article (1995) “in Chicago 61% of young mothers had been raped.” “In Seattle, another study reported that 68% had been raped.”

The American Bar Association Center on Children and the Law in 1997 conducted an exploratory research into “the responses of the courts and social service agencies to adult males having relationships with teenage girls.” You can read their findings in, Sexual Relationships between Adult Males and Young Teen Girls: Exploring the Legal and Social Responses. They also found, that adult men, not teenage boys, are often responsible for impregnating most young girls.” They identified the problem, but also discussed how the courts, social service agencies, the media, and the communities need to address this epidemic.

 

In Sins of the Fathers (Shapiro & Wright, 1995), they wrote in U.S. News & World Report, “In 1920, for example, 93% of babies born to teenagers were fathered by adults.” Today we should be appalled at the fact that we as a society are looking the other way at an epidemic that is causing far more physically, emotional, psychological, and financial hardship to our children, than the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in TX. How are we as parents of children, brothers and sister of girls and as a society not demanding a stop to our girls being raped and abused?

This ‘statutory rape‘ of our children is causing them and their children to have unresolved abandoned issues. Just read the comments at the end of the ABA reports, here is one:

The reason my mother doesn’t like me to date older men is because my dad was 20 years older than her. And he already had three kids, my third older brothers. She says an older man wants you to cook for them, clean, do a lot of things, but they don’t treat you right sometimes. And she’s afraid that might happen to me. And it did happen…

                                                                         (Elstein & Noy, 1997, p. 30)  

‘Statutory rape’ is causing society unresolved abandonment issues by the adult males who are abandoning their children and the responsible of supporting them, rearing them, and loving them. They deserve the same love, caring, and support all of us do!

Milwaukee is following the recommendations in the ABA report. I ask that the U.S. Surgeon General declare as an epidemic ‘adult males who are committing “statutory rape” or fathering the babies born to teenage girls as a public health crisis. I ask that they work to implement all of the recommendations in the ABA’s report in all 50 states to stop the rape and abuse of our children and their children!

What do you think? Is this a worldwide epidemic? Would you like for the courts and social agencies to do if your child was a victim of ‘statutory rape?’

References

Elstein, Sharon G., & Davis, Noy. (1997). Sexual relationships between adult males and young teen girls: Exploring the legal and social responses. American Bar  Association Center on Children and the Law. Retrieved from www.abanet.org/child/statutory-rape.pdf

Shapiro, Joseph P., & Wright, Andrea R. (1995). Sins of the fathers. U.S. News & World  Report. Retrieved from www.usnews.com/usnews/culture/articles/950814    /archive_032639.htm

Steinhauer, Jennifer. (1995). Study cites adult males for most teen-age births. The New York Times. Retrieved from www.nytimes.com/1995/08/02/us/study-cites-adult-males-for-most-teen-age-births.html?pagewanted=print

United Way of Milwaukee. (2006). If truth be told. United Way of Milwaukee, WI. Retrieved from http://www.unitedwaymilwaukee.org/PDFs/uwgm_TPRexecsumm.pdf

 

 

Why Some Black Males Are Abandoning Society for Prison will be the topic on “It’s A New Day” WJZD 94.5 FM


FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Contact:
John Ray Rice, A.C.S.W.
jrayrice@itsallaboutabandonment.com

J. Ray Rice will discuss his article “Why Some Black Males Are Abandoning Society for Prison” on “IT’S A NEW DAY” with Radio Host RIP DANIELS, on WJZD 94.5 FM in Gulfport, MS – Tuesday, April 28, 2009 – 9AM to 11AM C.S.T.

Ft. Lauderdale, FL – April 25, 2009 – J. Ray Rice, is a speaker, trainer, and author of 2 books selling on Amazon.com Thank You for Loving Me! The Psychology of Abandonment, Healing, and Loving and its’ personal growth journal, What I Must Give Myself…First! Rice will be the guest on “It’s A New Day” with host Rip Daniels on WJZD 94.5 FM out of Gulfport, MS, April 28, 2009 9AM to 11AM C.S.T. The show will be broadcast in Louisiana, Alabama, Florida, and over the Internet at http://www.itisanewday.com. Listeners in the U.S., can join the conversation by calling toll free 1-866-945-9455. Rice chose to write this topic because 1 out of 9 black males between the ages of 20 – 34 is in prison. Rice will discuss how culture, behavior, social policies, and drugs laws have all contributed to black males abandoning themselves and society. This topics is one of over 40 articles and surveys on this blog with readers from 140 different nations.

Rice wants you to understand the next time you see or hear of destructive behaviors or actions, be they, physical, emotional, social, or philosophical that “it is all about abandonment.” Often after school shootings, mass murders, murder-suicide, and wars we are left questing what would cause someone to commit these actions or place himself or herself in jeopardy of going to prison. Rice’s theory is that they all share a common denominator…unresolved abandonment issues! For him, all forms of communications and interactions produce abandonment feelings and events. For some their earlier abandonment issues have severely damaged their self-esteem, feelings of self-worth, and reasoning abilities. Over a person’s lifetime, left unresolved, these experiences could result in the kind of behaviors and actions we see in the news. Rice writes, “history is repeating itself because we are not learning and resolving the issues that created the problem in the first place.” When a society abandons its citizens, their citizens abandons society. Neither is safe.

Rice, a member of the Academy of Certified Social Workers of the National Association of Social Workers since 1979, has been studying the effects of unresolved abandonment issues for over 30 years and has traveled in 19-countries studying their culture and delivery of social services. His books are written to teach us how to heal abandonment issues, and his blog shows us how abandonment experiences and actions (real or perceived) can produce unresolved abandonment issues within any individual or society, impairing their function and justifying in some, the killing of strangers and love-ones alike.

J. Ray Rice is a unique trainer and speaker, nationally and internationally.

For more information contact: J. Ray Rice

Read parts 1 and 2 of “Why Some Black Men Are Abandoning Society for Prison.

Should Americans Abandon Their Rights to Bear Arms?

Since March 10, 2009 44 have been killed in the United States in mass murders. A total of 200 have been killed in American in 50 mass murders since Virginia Tech in April 16, 2007. (ABCNews, April 4, 2009)

Please vote on the question below. Your comments are welcome!

 

 



The Common Denominators of Unresolved Abandonment Issues and Guns in Mass Murders

I have been writing and giving examples of how communications and interactions between individuals, groups, and societies can cause abandonment issues. Left unresolved these issues can damage our self-esteem, impart our problem-solving abilities, and contribute to some too act violent toward others and themselves. Sometimes, these events affect us so severely and often that they can be the driving force behind some of the most serve acts of violence and taking of innocent lives.

The following are some of the high profile murders that have been in the news from April 5, 2007 and dating back to Christmas of 2008. I believe that all of these individuals has unresolved abandonment issues that are at the root of their actions, along with the asset to guns!

I would like for you to read and listen to the information provided in the following links that reveal their unresolved abandonment issues. Afterward please give your comments and understanding about these issues and actions.

April 5, 2009
“Police: Dad Killed Kids Because Wife Was Leaving” (Phuonge Le, AP, ABCNews)

James Harrison’s unresolved abandonment issues were: a) his wife betrayed him in an affair, and b) she was going to leave him for another man.

April 4, 2009
“Gunman ‘Lying in Wait’ Kills 3 Pittsburgh Officers” (Plushnick-Masti and Dan Nephin, AP, ABCNews)

Richard Poplawski’s possible unresolved abandonment issues were: a) loss of job, b) fear of loss of his right to bear-arms, and c) possible eviction by his mother for his dog urinating in her home.

April 3, 2009
“As NY Gunman’s Life Unraveled, He Took Others’ (Rubinkam, AP, ABCNews)

Jiverly Wong’s possible unresolved abandonment issues were: a) loss of job, b) his failure to speak English well, c) his lack of acceptance, and d) in his eyes the Center’s failure to teach him English and provide the America Dream.

March 13, 2009
“Doubts Arise Over Threat by German Teenage Gunman” (Leske, ABCNews)

Tim Kretschmer’s possible unresolved abandonment issues were: a) feelings of abandonment/rejection by classmates and school, and b) feelings of depression due to him lacking to successfully bond with family and friends.

March 16, 2009
“Slain Ala. Mother Mourned as Unique, Independent” (Hunter, AP, ABCNews)

Michael McLendon’s possible unresolved abandonment issues were: a) his failure to become a law-enforcement officer, and b) his family failure to contribute to his success in his eyes.

March 22, 2009
“Oakland Seeking Answers in Police Killings” (Jesse McKinley, NYTimes)

Lovelle Mixon’s possible unresolved abandonment issues were: a) his fear of returning to prison on a warrant, and b) despondent over not being able to find employment.


February 24, 2009
“Boy Shoots Father’s Pregnant Girlfriend” (ABCNews)

Jordan Brown’s possible unresolved abandonment issues were: a) his fear of the loss of love from his father, b) failure to be prepared for a blended-family, c) failure to bond with father’s girlfriend, two daughter, and new baby, and d) giving him a gun when he does not have the maturity to resolve conflicts or talk about his feelings.

December 25, 2008
“Police: Burns from fire altered ‘killer Santa’ plan” (CNN)

Bruce Jeffrey Pardo’s possible unresolved abandonment issues were: a) his divorced from his wife, b) his feelings of abandonment from his family and his wife’s family, and c) his mother siding with his wife during the divorce.

It’s All About Abandonment! Do not forgive to vote on the issue of guns!

Eric C. Hanson Treatment Issues

When a person murders another person, they are reacting to unresolved abandonment issues, from either that person or someone else in their life. This act of taking another person’s life produces unresolved abandonment issues for the people that loved and knew them. Their loves ones are left with a sense of profound loss from their sudden and needless separation from the person they love. Their love ones are left with questions like, why has this happened and how could anyone commit such a crime or action. They may ask why would God allow this to happen to their loved ones. Each of these questions produces feelings of abandonment.

Eric C. Hanson in DuPage County, Illinois has been convicted of beating to death his sister and brother-in-law in Aurora, IL, and then shooting to death his parents in Naperville, IL. This article is about the psychology and the development of the pathology to carryout these acts. We will examine his behaviors and actions from a different point of view, abandonment. The abandonment issues of Eric Hanson’s mental illness and actions will be examined in the hope that others will have a better understanding of his thought process and actions. This examination is not done to excuse his behaviors and actions or lessen the seriousness of his acts. This is written in the hope of providing a new awareness and understanding to how his mental illness and behaviors are…all about abandonment.

To read more click here…