Stumble It!
Its All About Abandonment!
NASA's GALEX Spacecraft - pdphoto.org
I want you to start to listen to the abandonment issues of the people who are committing crimes, hurting themselves and others, so you can understand how to correct them and possibly prevent them in the future.
I want you to be able to watch television or read the newspaper and identify the abandonment issues in the people and their actions. I want you to understand and beware of the issues that are causing these behaviors and reactions. I want you to understand how unresolved abandonment issues affect the mental health of the planet. It affects our abilities to choose a healthy relationship, bond, love, commit to marry, maintain a family, a child, a relationship, be faithful to others and ourselves. Please click here to read the article. Thank You for Loving Me! The Psychology of Loving and Healing
All Rights Reserved - J. Ray Rice, M.S.W., A.C.S.W.
Please join each of our learning community by reading and commenting on each article.
Posted by jrayrice at 12/9/2007 11:13 PM 
Categories: Theory Base
Tags: conflict safe-haven laws women love war j ray rice terrorism death man marriage family reverend child realtionships building speaker barack obama sexual orienatation thank you for loving me abandonment issues what I must give myself first dr. martin king
Categories: Theory Base
Tags: conflict safe-haven laws women love war j ray rice terrorism death man marriage family reverend child realtionships building speaker barack obama sexual orienatation thank you for loving me abandonment issues what I must give myself first dr. martin king
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1/18/2008 7:03 PM
priotupiliko blog wrote:
all about priotupiliko and top news -
1/18/2008 7:03 PM
priotupiliko blog wrote:
all about priotupiliko and top news -
1/18/2008 7:03 PM
priotupiliko blog wrote:
all about priotupiliko and top news
Glorie Jean said she has been abandonment by her abandoment love(YOU). This is very intelligent.
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I never realized leaving a child on a safe road in a secure area,near a friends house after his refusal to come when you are leaving, can cause problems for him as an adult
When in order to get home he had to figure out how to go about getting home
who to call, where to go and who to use
for protection till the parent sends someone to pick him up and arrange with the friend to bring him home. During that encounter with the world he learns how to get along and survive by himself even if it is for only a few hours. Does a grown man still go through abandonment issues from something that happens to him when he is 13. At some point he has to realize he isn't a boy anymore. Everything that happens to him is because of him no one or nothing else. Why does he develop a "Peter Pan" style of life, ignoring his college education and placing the blame on society for his inability to become a success. Never taking the opportunity to use that education. Continuing to play not caring he is getting older and eventually will have to face adult problems. Not taking part in society's regulations. Bucking the establishment all the way. Responsibility, is his problem, for who he is now and what he has become. Avoiding: a permanent job,
commitment to a steady relationship, family, friends. Thinking and taking care of himself only and not realizing he has become just a survival expert.When in fact, isn't that exactly what life is all about. He takes up an art that only he is responsible for never settling in one spot with one person. Always ready to leave the minute things don't go his way. MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY attitude. His art is his life and love to heck with everything else. Life goes on and he is mentally trapped in it ALONE. Taking on the poor, homeless or any other down trodden individual he comes upon in his travels giving them his last dollar knowing it is easy for him to get more. When does he grow-up or has he already grown and I fail to see..
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Thank You! I was too young to understand that.
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Virginia, if we are alive we are affected by abandonment events. It can leave with us trouble trusting others and ourself. It we don't feel that we are love or good enough we may have difficult accepting love and success through-out our life.
We can misread acts that where met to strength us or teach a us a lesson as a sign that we are not loved. We could go about the rest of our lives misreading acts and view them as rejection.
When we feel that someone we love rejected us, we can reject ourselves and our success!
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i READ THROUGH THE WHOLE LIST OF Abandonment POINTS AND AS I DID SO I REALIZED SO MANY MORE AS IT RELATED TO ME. I MENTALLY Analyzed THE ONES THAT Affected ME AND HOW I FELT ABOUT THEM AT THE TIME AND I DID HAVE FEELINGS THAT AFFECT ME EVEN TODAY EVEN THOUGH MANY OF THEM HAPPEN SEVERAL DECADES. IT IS Amazing HOW YOU CAN HAVE THESE FEELINGS WITHIN YOU AND LIVE WITHS THEM AND NOT PURGE THEM EVEN THOUGH THEY HAPPEN SO LONG AGO. I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR PROVIDING ME THE Opportunity TO INTERNALIZE AND VALIDATE MY FEELINGS.
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Thank you for sharing this! It tells me that my message is on target.
Thanks again!
J. Ray Rice
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While the incident with Robert Hawkins is tragic, there are others who have gone on to be great in spite of their abandonment issues. I know personally many people who grew up with no father and in some instances, no mother. I know that the abandonment hurts and that it can also be contributed to many horrible things, however, there is a choice when it comes to taking the life of another or committing an unspeakable crime.
Dr. Benjamin Carson grew up without his father and he is a world renown pediatric neurologist. Another is Alonzo Mournng who grew up on foster care and look at all the great authors, actors, scientists, inventors and the like. Many of them had no father, some no parents, but they made a choice. I know others who have become public servants (governors, senators, city/county managers, etc.) and world famous educators. Some of those who have been abandonment have been noted Nobel Peace Prize Winners.
There are many reasons why people do what they do. Some of the reasons have labels and others don't because they just felt like doing something wrong.
JOhn Hinkcley who tries at assassinate President Ronald Reagan was not abandoned. His family owned Hinkcley Oil company. I could name many others, but I won't.
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You are correct that people everyday overcome their abandonment issues and go on to greatness. What I am addressing are the effects of unresolved abandonment issues. The people you are talking about all had corrective learning experiences in their lives. Robert Hawkin did not have that. These are the bullet points in the article.
Please read this article on John W. Hinckley, Jr. - http://www.law.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/hinckley/hinckleyaccount.html
Abandonment is a two-way street. John saw himself as the one that abandoned his family and their way of life. He failed in college, he failed as a songwriter in Hollywood, and he failed to capture the love of Jodie Foster. You will see in his letter to her he stated that he would abandon his plan to kill the President, if she would allow him to love her.
This is why I am asking people to expand their understanding of the meaning of the word and more importantly the act. In this article on John W. Hinckley you can hear the pain of his failures that led him into depression. I believe that abandonment played a part in the development of his pathology, along with his depression. John was found not guilty for reasons of insanity.
Thank you for your comment, because if gave me the opportunity to make this point. Kids today like John feel abandoned because their parents are not available. This article suggest that John was abandonment by a workaholic father. Both parents in a family do not mean that they are available to the child.
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The encyclopedia made me cry this afternoon.
No. Not because there are so many words in it.
I cried in recognition when I accidentally stumbled on the description of Abandoned Child Syndrome: “A behavioral or psychological condition that results from the loss of one or both parents. Abandonment may be physical (the parent is not present in the child's life) or emotional (the parent withholds affection, nurturing, or stimulation).”
My father abandoned me before I was born. (He was married to someone else.)
My mother abandoned me when I was just a baby. (She needed to have a career.)
My grandmother raised me, but withheld affection, replacing it with her twisted ideas based on “God’s Word.”
The encyclopedia went on, “Parents who leave their children, with or without good reason, can cause irreversible psychological damage to the child. Substantial research indicates that contact with adults of both sexes encourages a child's balanced development.”
The only “father figure” I had for a few years was mom’s second husband, Dale. Nice guy. But, then, he abandoned me when he abandoned my mom for a younger woman.
The encyclopedia pointed out, rightly, that, “Symptoms may be physical and/or mental, and may extend into adulthood and perhaps throughout a person's life.”
Being abandoned has affected my life for five decades. It made me what I am today. Or, rather, what I am not today.
Symptoms of ACS include,
1. “Alienation from the environment.”
I chose a series of careers that kept me away from others. I spent a couple decades as a radio announcer, alone in a control room and a few more as a freelance writer alone in a quiet office. Now, I am a “teleworker” for a Seattle-based “business think tank” from my home office, alone again, naturally.
2. “Guilt - the child believes that he did something wrong that caused the abandonment (often associated with depression).”
I was completely indoctrinated with guilt by my grandmother who reminded me that I was a “bastard” because I was born out of wedlock. She convinced me that - in nearly any situation - I was the inferior person and should keep my mouth shut.
3. “Fear and uncertainty - clinginess, insecurities.”
I wasn’t much of a clinger (no one to cling to) but nearly all the mistakes I have made in my life were attributable to fear. And the only really good thing in my life - meeting my wife, Lori - happened because I acted against my basic nature and took a chance.
4. “Physical ailments - fatigue, depression, lack of energy and creativity, anger, grief.”
I suffered with fatigue for a long time and was diagnosed, probably ten years too late, with clinical depression in 2005. But I have always had energy and creativity for things I like and I rarely express anger. I keep it locked up inside. Which is why I cried.
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Lary, I am sorry for your pain, but it has given you an insight that is profound! This is why I am going this blog. We cannot treat what we do not understand. In my book we have been missing the core issue to treat in people. If we would look for the unresolved abandonment issues that offset behavior disorders we would be treating the correct issue.
Thank you for confirming what I have learned. Remember, it is not to late to change and let people in your life. Open the door and believe in yourself!
I do.
Thanks again!
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I just wanted to leave a comment, not just about this article but about your whole site. I think it is wonderful that you are getting the word out and that yes we all can make a difference in others loneliness. It helps wake people up when reading this. You are doing a great job in awareness. Keep it up. As this happens more than most even know.
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I am grateful for your insight and support. You are helping to spread the word that...its all about abandonment!
Thank you!!!
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Thanks for diving into this topic. I would love to have you as a guest on my show! Contact me.
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It will be my honor!
Thanks!!!!
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In reading over your blog posts and articles, I am profoundly struck by the heartfelt thought that you have, indeed, managed to name a great emotional and soul-sucking demon that so many millions of us suffer from - abandonment.
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Thank you for validating what I have long believed to be corrected. I have found that abandonment issues are what a therapist needs to assist a client resolving!
Thanks again!
John
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